peer reveiw #2

Luke Buehrer
Peer Review #2

Here is the summary of your paper, according to the way I saw (just to make sure you get what you want across). You say that the popular narrative says that technology helps create a Global Village. You argue however against it. You claim that first, we like to image that we have a Global Village, but only see stuff from a distance. That we don’t actually see the problems in the world. You also talk about the News impact on this. That in order to give viewers what they want, they give a filtered version of reality. This making for people being either unaware of the problems or in a state of denial.
You have a good start on your paper. I agree with your ideas, however there are some changes you might want to consider. First, not necessarily every one will agree with you, so you should avoid bias. Maybe you should include a paragraph that tells how technology can raise awareness of these issues or something like that. This will open minds of people with differing opinions. Another thing you might want to look at it your first citation. Although I like it, the teacher will possibly want a more complete “Citation Sandwich, ” so just maybe add after the citation what it means or how it relates to your paper. The second sentence in the second paragraph says, “We are scared of the truth because it is not pleasing to us” it might be good to include a couple of examples of how the truth is not pleasing.
You asked for help on finding more quotations. Since the topic you choose is only directly relevant to Lest We Think the Revolution is a Revolution you may need to try using other texts that aren’t as relevant and try to relate them to your topic. For example, you could use a quote like this from Sven Birtkert (The Owl Has Flown), “ The computer, our high speed accessing, storing, and sorting tool, appears as a godsend. It increasingly determines what kind of information we are willing to traffic; if something cannot be written in code and transmitted, it cannot be important.” You could use this to show how people like Americans sort through information on-line all the time, they throw away and ignore things that, like you said scare them and are not pleasing. Or you could just get more quotes from Lest We Think a Revolution is a Revolution, which might be easier and more relevant. Other than that I think this is a great start, just make sure that you try to be as balanced as possible to avoid readers from thinking your bias, get some good solid quotes and support claims with evidence.


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